Questions I Ask My 3 Year Old

There should be a spin-off from the “Kids Say the Darndest Things” TV show called, “The Crazy Things Toddler Parents Say.”

Current parents of toddlers, I raise my fist in tribute with my “I know how you feel” face. To my readers that have yet to become parents or have not hit the toddler stage yet, be warned. This is your future. It is a crazy, crazy ride.

Raising a toddler. Crazy things parents say.

The Crazy Things Parents Say

{I kept track of the crazy things I’ve asked my 3 year old in the last 3 weeks. Yes, I kept track.  And no, this vocabulary is no longer crazy. It’s normal, everyday speech in my house. Although at times I say these things and weep, I hope that you read it and laugh.}

Where are your pants?

Why are the pillows in the bathtub?

Why are my keys in the toilet?

Why are your socks wet?

Why is my phone in this fish tank?

Why did you just lick the dog?

Why is your mouth blue?

Why did you lick my face?

Why is there dog food in your bed?

Why are your shoes in the sink?

Why did you just smell my foot?

Why is the floor wet?

Why are your underwear on your head?

Why are you naked?

Why is your juice box in the toilet?

What is in your hair?

Why are you licking the window?

Why are you throwing a fit in the middle of the freezer aisle?

Why are your hands down your pants?

Where is your other shoe?

Did you just sniff my ear?

Why are you standing at my bed staring at me at 3 am?

Did you play with Legos on my bedroom floor in the middle of the night?

Why are your hands brown?

Why did you lick the bottom of your shoe?

Why did you stick your cheese stick up your nose?

Why is there honey in your hair?

Why did you eat your boogers?

Did you feed your boogers to the dog?

Why are your hands sticky?

Why do you fart so much?

Where are your Barbie’s arms?

Did you poop today?

Do you understand English today?

Why did you just lick your baby cousin?

Why is your baby doll in the refrigerator?

Why is my phone in the trash can?

Did you call grandma 32 times on my phone?

Why are there Legos in the cereal box?

Why are you watching me shower?

Why is the dog wearing a necklace?

Why are you wearing the dog’s collar?

Some of these questions will never have answers and I’m not sure I want to know the answer. Also, there’s a good chance that these questions may have had a swear word thrown in here or there. Life with toddlers and children in general is a stressful, wild, beautiful life. And even though the majority of my life as a parent is spent negotiating with a tiny human, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve said as a parent? Or what’s the craziest thing your parents have said to you?


  1. Katy | 20th Mar 17

    Haha! This list cracks me up. I am sure we have many more of these funny things to come. One of my son’s physical therapists told me “a house with a toddler, is a house that is full of laughter” and it couldn’t be more true!

    One of the things I am SO surprised about it (and laugh about!), is how much we end up talking about our sons poop, ever since he was an infant!!

  2. Mrs. Daisy | 20th Mar 17

    My husband and I actually laughed about this the other day! I was gone for a bit running errands and grocery shopping and when I came home, Little Daisy was down for a nap. I asked him if she pooped yet and he just busted up laughing saying that he never thought in a million years that this would be such a hot topic of conversation in our marriage 🙂 P.S. that Thanksgiving meatloaf sounds divine! I’m putting it on our meal plan next week!

  3. Erik @ The Mastermind Within | 20th Mar 17

    Hold on there Mrs. Daisy… I’ve said these things to my friends and family members who aren’t toddlers 😉 hahaha.

    Great list – I love little kids, so full of energy and fun. I have a 4 year old cousin who never quits.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Mrs. Daisy | 20th Mar 17

      Haha! Maybe I should change the title to, “Questions I ask my toddler…and my drunk friends” 🙂

  4. Laurie @thefrugalfarmer | 21st Mar 17

    This post gave me the giggles. 🙂 Kids are so hilarious. They grow up so fast, Daisy. Treasure every moment of weirdness and remember that every crazy thing your children do is a reflection of their personality. Enjoy it. Mine are just as wonderful now in the teen years as they were as little ones (They are 17, 14, 12, and 11) but I sure do miss those little years some days. The wonder, innocence and optimism at that age is breathtaking!

    • Mrs. Daisy | 21st Mar 17

      I stood in her doorway last night and peeked in on her playing before bed. Her imagination is in full swing and it was so entertaining to witness the things she comes up with. I am certainly trying to soak up as much as I can from each age!

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