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Category: Parenting

Questions I Ask My 3 Year Old

There should be a spin-off from the “Kids Say the Darndest Things” TV show called, “The Crazy Things Toddler Parents Say.”

Current parents of toddlers, I raise my fist in tribute with my “I know how you feel” face. To my readers that have yet to become parents or have not hit the toddler stage yet, be warned. This is your future. It is a crazy, crazy ride.

Raising a toddler. Crazy things parents say.

The Crazy Things Parents Say

{I kept track of the crazy things I’ve asked my 3 year old in the last 3 weeks. Yes, I kept track.  And no, this vocabulary is no longer crazy. It’s normal, everyday speech in my house. Although at times I say these things and weep, I hope that you read it and laugh.}

Where are your pants?

Why are the pillows in the bathtub?

Why are my keys in the toilet?

Why are your socks wet?

Why is my phone in this fish tank?

Why did you just lick the dog?

Why is your mouth blue?

Why did you lick my face?

Why is there dog food in your bed?

Why are your shoes in the sink?

Why did you just smell my foot?

Why is the floor wet?

Why are your underwear on your head?

Why are you naked?

Why is your juice box in the toilet?

What is in your hair?

Why are you licking the window?

Why are you throwing a fit in the middle of the freezer aisle?

Why are your hands down your pants?

Where is your other shoe?

Did you just sniff my ear?

Why are you standing at my bed staring at me at 3 am?

Did you play with Legos on my bedroom floor in the middle of the night?

Why are your hands brown?

Why did you lick the bottom of your shoe?

Why did you stick your cheese stick up your nose?

Why is there honey in your hair?

Why did you eat your boogers?

Did you feed your boogers to the dog?

Why are your hands sticky?

Why do you fart so much?

Where are your Barbie’s arms?

Did you poop today?

Do you understand English today?

Why did you just lick your baby cousin?

Why is your baby doll in the refrigerator?

Why is my phone in the trash can?

Did you call grandma 32 times on my phone?

Why are there Legos in the cereal box?

Why are you watching me shower?

Why is the dog wearing a necklace?

Why are you wearing the dog’s collar?

Some of these questions will never have answers and I’m not sure I want to know the answer. Also, there’s a good chance that these questions may have had a swear word thrown in here or there. Life with toddlers and children in general is a stressful, wild, beautiful life. And even though the majority of my life as a parent is spent negotiating with a tiny human, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve said as a parent? Or what’s the craziest thing your parents have said to you?