2 ways we are teaching manners to our toddler

As soon as they placed an 8 pound bald little human with huge dark brown eyes in my arms, I quickly became aware of the weight that is present to protect and raise a well-adjusted, functioning, polite, kind, strong, smart, and confident little person.

I find myself laying in bed each night rehashing the day and wondering if I was a good mom. Sure, my kid was fed, well hydrated, sheltered, clothed, bathed, and played to her little heart’s content. But, what did I teach her? What did she learn from me? Was I kind? Did I yell? Did she feel loved? Did she go to sleep happy?

While I’m not a child behavior expert and I’ve not read any “How To” books on raising my child, here are two ways in which I am teaching manners to our 3 year old (that is working…so far):

Setting a good example

My dad is your typical middle-class, blue collar farmer. Stoic, hard working, and strong. He instilled a distinct work ethic and respect in my siblings and I from an early age. He didn’t beat it into our heads or have to tell us day in and day out to use our manners.

He simply led by example. 

We watched him treat the land we lived on, the animals we raised, and the people we met with kindness and respect. What made an even bigger impact than watching how he carried himself, was watching how people reacted to him. He was and still is a very well-respected man in our small rural community. As a child, you already think that your Daddy hangs the moon. But to witness every person you meet hold him in the same regard left a monumental mark on our lives.

We were involved in 4H growing up (it’s where I met my husband!). We raised and showed livestock, mostly cattle. If my dad came down to the barn and we forgot to feed our animals, we didn’t get dinner that night. If their water was empty or dirty, we didn’t get to drink the rest of the evening. If their pen was messy or we forgot to put down straw, you guessed it. We got to sleep on the floor that night.

My husband and I do our very best each and every day to carry out our lives in a manner that we would want our daughter to.

We are not perfect. I have a potty mouth. I’m completely guilty of calling a driver a not-so-PG name when they pull out in front of me.

But I’ve learned, at least in our experience, that our daughter listens with her eyes a whole heck of a lot more than her ears. 

My father-in-law often uses a phrase that makes me cringe. “Do as I say, not as I do.”  It is meant to be a light-hearted and nonchalant expression, but I wonder how often he used it when my husband was young and how confusing it must have been.

As parents, we are charged with teaching and preparing our children for the world. The foundation of their disposition and personality begins with us the moment they are born. How can I tell my daughter that a certain behavior or action is not the right/moral/healthy/etc. thing to do when I do it myself?

We treat her with respect

This does not mean that we coddle, cave, or don’t ever tell our daughter no. It simply means that we treat our daughter the way we would want her to treat her friends, family, and strangers. By using words like please, thank you, and you’re welcome with her as part of our daily conversations, these words are instilled in her vocabulary and become mainstays.

Rather than saying, “Little Daisy, pick up your toys.”, we say something like, “Little Daisy, will you please pick up your toys?”. Or, “Will you please help me feed the dogs?” instead of “Come help me, now!”.

As adults, we respond more positively to someone that uses manners with us. Why would it be different for a toddler? 

Remember what I said about toddlers listening with their eyes instead of their ears?

It makes using your manners with toddlers difficult at times, and it takes a great deal of patience. Something that I do not have a great deal of. If I am in another room, I find it more effective to call her name first in order to get her attention and ask her to please come here. Then proceed to say what I was going to say. In our household, hollering orders across rooms does not work so well.

Getting down to eye level with her, being calm and treating her with respect is what she reacts to. 

At least most of the time. She’s a toddler. And I’m hoping every day that all of this doesn’t fly out the window when she is a raging hormonal 13 year old Belieber or whatever it will be in 10 years.

 

Here are some books that are in our home library about manners (click the title to be taken to a description):

Get Dressed Max and Millie

Do Nice Be Kind Spread Happy

 

 

If you have children, how are you instilling manners?

 

I am attempting to grow this blog and foster a community of like-minded individuals that will engage in fun and enlightening conversation.

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6 COMMENTS

  1. Erik @ The Mastermind Within | 8th Mar 17

    I’m a strong believer in “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” – by showing respect and love for your daughter, you will automatically help her grow up to be a respectable young lady 🙂

    My parents looked to instill respect and manners in me at a young age. It definitely helped!

    • Mrs. Daisy | 8th Mar 17

      I really love that thought about the 5 people. You’ve got my brain racking. In an effort to re-evaluate practically everything in my life, one of the things I did this year was completely get rid of social media. It sounds so cheesy, but I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and haven’t looked back since. I may create a Facebook to help this blog grow, but it wouldn’t be strictly for Dirt Road Daisy and not personal. My quality of life has not reduced one bit without Facebook 🙂

  2. Laura | 8th Mar 17

    I think treating children with respect is SO SO SO important. Most of my career has been spent in early childhood education in one way or another, and even now that I am pursuing a new career, my goal is to work with children and families. By treating children with respect you allow them to believe in their own fundamental worth and this translates into how they understand and behave around others. <3

    • Mrs. Daisy | 8th Mar 17

      Thank you for wording it like that…allowing them to believe in their own fundamental worth. That’s profound and so true! I’m hoping it will foster Little Daisy’s self worth and confidence, while also teaching her humility.

  3. Nathalie | 8th Mar 17

    Happy International Women’s Day to you and your daughter!

    I have a more authoritarian style when it comes to parenting but I can appreciate other styles as well 🙂 I think that it’s important for kids to know what the rules of the household are and that they will be applied consistently. I have no patience either. The real reward is when we go somewhere and my kids get annoyed at how rude other kids are, hahaha, or when other adults comment on how well behaved and polite they were/are. They’re not perfect, but rudeness has never been a problem (except for Middle Son but he knows what’s right or wrong. He lacks tact and is learning how this can negatively impact himself as he is growing into his own).

    Oh, and I swear, and always have sworn, like a sailor when I drive. The kids still grew up knowing they shouldn’t say those words while they lived at home. A definite case of “Do as I Say but Don’t Do as I Do” but my reply has always been that they’ll be free to do however they please once they support themselves and that life isn’t fair. It doesn’t seem to have traumatized them.

    I do always say “please” and “thank you” and I expect them to do the same. After a while, it becomes an automatic reflex and one that is very useful in life. I still can’t believe how many kids don’t use those words, one of the reasons why I don’t open my door for trick or treaters on Halloween anymore.

    • Mrs. Daisy | 8th Mar 17

      As a first time mom, I still struggle daily to find the balance between being stern and forgiving when parenting. My husband and I both have potty mouths — my husband said “damn” the other day and Little Daisy walked up to him with her hands on her hips and told him to go in time out! We laughed so hard! I’m finding that everything in life – finances, marriage, parenting – is all about balance. Everyone’s looks different and we have so much to learn from each other!

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